I’ve been away for a while. A long while and the time I’ve spent away has been eye-opening. Refreshing even because I was able to sit down and examine myself and understand what was wrong. Whoa, is this what being a sentient being feels like?
Creative careers are not new. We’ve always had artists. Writers and photographers (for the past century or so), play-writes, actors. So on and so forth. Yeah, none of this is new to our society. So why is it that we struggle with accepting people who want to embark on a creative career path?
My body image and self-confidence issues didn’t just appear out of no where. It took years for the insidious thoughts to peak and for me to realize that wow, yeah I hate myself. And it took another few years and a lot of hard work for me to realize that I shouldn’t. Continue reading “Giving up on Self-Hate.”
Being a black girl in today’s world is like being a part of a sisterhood. A secret society of women who prosper together,despite the stereotypes and negative expectations that society places on them.To excel as a black girl in this world is to be a part of something far greater than an individual. It’s being a member of a faction that is constantly growing and glowing, becoming stronger and more educated everyday.
It’s a love of language and poetry and the inexplicable feeling one receives from reading or hearing something remarkable. From creating something remarkable. There are no words that could adequately capture or completely encapsulate the experience I receive once I realize I’ve stumbled across a work of art.
If you’re sensitive to sensitive language, I apologize for my title. However in this situation I chose to be blunt for a reason.
My adult life is slowly creeping up on me. As college applications, requirements and recommendations whiz through my mind i’m slowly starting to get accustomed to the idea of growing up.
There are lots of people in the world now who are approaching the end of their lives. And as mine is just starting to unfold, I’m wondering how many of those people are satisfied with their lives?How many of them feel as if they accomplished everything they wanted to? How many feel like they didn’t do everything they wanted?
Every individual has set goals and/or plans for themselves. Every person has a dream and things they must do in order to feel like they (for lack of a better choice of words) lived life to the fullest. Personally, traveling is the most important thing for me. Right now atleast, because I know that could change but I mean, who doesn’t want to travel the world. Anyway, if I die having spent my entire life in the same place with no experience and no real sense of culture, I’d feel a little disappointed. A lot disappointed. But that’s me, I know there are many people who could care less about travelling.
I also know that there are people who, for whatever reason, feel like having kids is their main priority in life. And I guess once you grow up and get married, that’s the natural order of things. But how do the people who can’t have kids feel when their time has passed and kids are no longer an option.
A part of accepting death is being able to come to terms with your life. Sitting down and really thinking about everything you’ve done. Being happy with everything you’ve done is the most important thing. Feeling satisfied about what you’re leaving behind is what makes life worth it.
Still, the question remains. How would it feel to die knowing you haven’t done everything you wanted to do? I can only hope that I never get the answer.
During the first week of school, my AP Lang teacher gave us our first writing assignment. She wanted us to write about an incident, an event or a series of events that changed our lives. She told us it could be anything, literally any thing that had an impact on our lives. She admitted later that this was just a way for her to see what kind of writers we were so the prompt was something that should have been easy for everyone. So much has happened in my life that I almost laughed when she told us this was the prompt. There was so much for me to choose from but there was only one thing I really wanted to write about.
There’s really only a few things that I want out of my life. I want to be happy and have a lifestyle with enough freedom to do what I want whenever I decide to. I also want to travel. Everywhere. All the time. Forever.
I started my blog a while ago, but i’ve only recently actually told people about it. Through Instagram of course.
Anyway, I guess I was nervous about what people would say or think about it but to be honest– it doesn’t matter. I started my blog to practice writing, to talk about my life and honestly just because it was something i’d always kind of wanted to do. So as long as i’m happy with it, i’m happy with me.
I’ve always known I wanted to be a writer. And I’m so grossed out by how cliche that obviously sounds but it’s true. I’ve wrestled with myself for years about choosing a career path that will either ensure success or guarantee happiness. Becoming a writer/ journalist will either work out for the best or I’ll end up poor and sad. But at least that way I’ll be able to say “I attempted to follow my dreams and be happy ” because I know there are millions of people who will never be able to think or say those words.
Every couple of months I tell my family that I’m gonna be a nurse, graphic designer, lawyer or (insert miscellaneous career). And I try to convince myself that I’ll be happy doing either of these but I know that’s not true.
I feel kind of uneasy when complaining about choosing a career path to follow because there are so many people in the world who don’t get to dream the way Americans do. And again I feel uneasy because that’s a huge generalization but it’s also true.
But back to my point, i’ve always wanted to be a writer and I started my blog because of this and I started journaling for the same purpose. So now that i’ve actually told people about it, i’m excited for their feedback and for the future.